10 Disgusting things Bill Wiggin MP Didn’t Do

Yesterday morning the police turned up at a house in Leominster and served a notice on James Miller.  Mr Miller is a member of Leominster town council. The notice followed a complaint from local Tory MP Bill Wiggin .

According to the letter delivered to Miller by the police Tory MP Wiggin  has complained that Miller has accused him of corruption, put up nasty posters around town, altered Wiggin’s Wikipedia page, accused him of rigging elections and accused local papers of bias in his favour.

Now given that Mr Wiggin has the sort of charmingly naive smile that should have secured him a walk-on in Blackadder, The Headstrong Club thought it should redress the balance.  So here are 10 things that Bill Wiggin didn’t do.

Bill Wiggin MP has never carried on a sexual relationship with an armadillo.

Bill Wiggin MP does not enjoy bathing naked with women’s hockey teams.

Bill Wiggin MP has never accepted brown envelopes stuffed with money from News International journalists.

Bill Wiggin MP has not driven at over 150mph through the back lanes of Herefordshire.

Bill Wiggin MP does not keep signed photographs of Benito Mussolini and General Francisco Franco in his desk.

Bill Wiggin MP does not enjoy being lightly flaggelated while his feel are immersed in a bowl of trifle.

Bill Wiggin MP does not own shares in companies operating Russian botnets pushing porn and viagra to the over 75s.

Bill Wiggin MP does not run around local fields wearing woad to signal his commitment to the Big Society.

Bill Wiggin MP’s interest in vegtables is not abnormal and unhealthy.

Bill Wiggin MP does not deal coke on Westminster street corners.

Actually The Headstrong Club has no definitive proof that Wiggin didn’t do these things but given Wiggin’s unimpeachable character we consider it highly unlikely.   As to the things that he’s accused Miller of accusing him of The Headstrong Club has no opinion, but thinks he should at least be grateful that Armadillos have no reason to fear him.

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